10 tips to find a partner after 30
Hopeless with your hookups? Lazy dating? Today we collect ten tips to find a partner after 30, a difficult time for love. The most important thing: what you really want.
Hopeless with love? Are you lazy to spend time on sentimental matters? Today we dedicate you 10 tips to find a partner after 30. We know that, after the '20s, it is a tricky stage for the romantic ( we have told you about it on several occasions ), but do not believe, far from it, that all is lost. The first and most important thing, yes, that you really want, that you have a predisposition, and that you are at the right time. We talked about all these issues with our bedside experts: Elena Requena, sexologist and couples counselor, and Leticia Galeón, health psychologist from Amparo Calandín's cabinet.
Elena Requena: Sometimes we let ourselves be carried away by social mandates, inertia towards what should be, without doing a good exercise in self-reflection on what we really want. Perhaps at one point, we do not feel like having a partner but we force, and then most likely it will not work out.
Leticia Galeón: It is important to know when we are, if we are prepared, and if what we are going to offer is the best of us. For me, something key is that we find ourselves well, that we feel complete and complete. And if this is so, we have a much better chance that if we find a relationship, it will be much healthier.
Elena: There are no better ages than others to meet or start a relationship. More than stopping or not looking, if we are really open to finding a partner, what we can maintain is a positive and open attitude to whatever comes our way. Thinking of it as an after-school activity doesn't help.
Leticia: We have an advantage in something very important such as acceptance and experience. We know ourselves better, we accept ourselves more. We also know our strengths and our weaknesses, and the love experiences we have had helped us to know what we want and what we do not want. This can help us to stop the rush that can lead us to be conformists and to take the first opportunity that comes our way.
Elena: We can include this as part of the previous point. That attitude of openness, of curiosity, if we want to call it expectation, can help us meet more people, and with it, perhaps, find that person that interests us and we want.
Leticia: This is essential. You have to do social activities and you have to socialize, and it is also a good time to learn to do things that interest us. Thus we are increasing the chances that, if we meet someone, we share a hobby, that this is also interesting for the couple.
Elena: It is something that continues to cost us in Spain and that is more common in other countries. In large part due to a deeply rooted feeling of shame, and that has to do with our culture when at a certain age we are not or are not in the place that traditions tell us we should be. It is very interesting and enriching both to do different activities and to meet new people with them. Sometimes hobbies that we would never think we could like, we can love. And the same thing happens to us with the people we can find there.
Leticia: Let us not be ourselves what we put the limitations on. This can be embarrassing, but you know that that emotion will last a few minutes and will go away when the activity starts and you see that nothing really happens. It can be a challenge to overcome ourselves and also to seek love.
Elena: We have to assume that the scenario has changed and that the communication codes have too. Now, we must build a comfortable and friendly way of using these platforms. Given the pace of life we lead, life in big cities or small towns, applications of this type can bring people together who could never meet otherwise.
Leticia: This goes 100% with the time we live in and is one more way to meet people who meet our filters, the things that are important to us. Also, there are different dating platforms, and I think we could study them and make a screen based on what we are thinking if it is something serious or less formal. A secret: generally, the people who pay the subscription to these apps are because they are looking for something more serious.
Elena: It's good to review what we want and what love is for us. We have internalized a very rigid idea of how things should be and that is negative most of the time.
Leticia: If we are not perfect, why do we demand that the other be so? There are things that can be intolerable and you have to be alert, but for you, they are necessary and unavoidable: that he is affectionate, that he likes sports, that he wants to have children ... But the bar must be achievable. If not, the first piece of advice will have to be reconsidered. Do you really want to have a partner? You are ready?
Elena: Perhaps more than demanding we value or are more clear about what we want and what we don't want. That is good. Patience must be exercised, and the lack of it has to do with the society of immediacy in which we move. Let's think of this path as a process that will teach us a lot about the other, but also about ourselves.
Leticia: Just as on many occasions we have made a mistake with the first impression of a coworker or a new neighbor, the same thing can happen to us on the first date. It can be nerves, shame, or wanting to please those who can or can play a trick on them. First dates are not always good, and the same happens on other, more intimate planes. If we have not seen anything intolerable or alarming, and if we have seen something that we consider necessary, give it a second chance.
Elena: Once again, be open to meeting other people, giving ourselves, and giving the opportunity to show ourselves and show ourselves to the other. Don't put expectations ahead and don't be afraid. The other is probably the same as us.
Leticia: Here we can mention the same thing again about shame. It will last only a few minutes until we start to interact. Regarding the dating apps, it's great to be able to write to us to find out more, but what in the end will let us know if there is chemistry or not is to meet in person. On a day-to-day basis, if you meet someone who catches your attention, you should jump in, try to meet him, for example in the gym or in dance classes. You have to try to start a conversation and see if things flow and can generate an appointment. You may also be interested in cuckold dating sites
Elena: In these encounters, we usually find ourselves, on the one hand, insecure and, on the other hand, quite demanding. The latter is still a form of self-defense if we reflect a little. The higher the expectation or the demands, the more difficult it is for me to like someone and to hurt me. It does not mean that this always happens, but when we have had bad experiences in past relationships, it can happen.
Leticia: Expectations can lead to bad tricks if they are too high. Something that can help us is to do something normal, like have a coffee, a beer, and make it an intermediate hour, in case we are comfortable, that can be extended at lunch or dinner. Another tip: you have to go positive, willing to see what you like about the other person, wanting to have a good time.
Elena: Be aware of the terrain or context in which we move, take care of ourselves, and love each other very much. Go little by little. Enjoy the process of meeting someone without rushing, see what we are feeling and be honest with ourselves and with the other person. The period of seduction or courtship (I know the term sounds like an old man), is a very beautiful path and can be very stimulating. This sometimes we forget and we start the house from the roof. Let's listen to what we want or want at all times.
Leticia: It is very important not to generalize. If a date does not work, it does not mean that no one else will do it or that we are not valid, or that no one will like us. Something that I consider essential is to love yourself because that way you will want in a healthier way. Sometimes we forget our role, of being the right person. Analyzing only if the other person is the ideal one can make us nonconformists, not very tolerant, and very demanding. If we find someone who fits us, but we leave much to be desired, what?
Hopeless with love? Are you lazy to spend time on sentimental matters? Today we dedicate you 10 tips to find a partner after 30. We know that, after the '20s, it is a tricky stage for the romantic ( we have told you about it on several occasions ), but do not believe, far from it, that all is lost. The first and most important thing, yes, that you really want, that you have a predisposition, and that you are at the right time. We talked about all these issues with our bedside experts: Elena Requena, sexologist and couples counselor, and Leticia Galeón, health psychologist from Amparo Calandín's cabinet.
1. First thing: think it over
Sometimes finding a partner is more of an imposition than a wish. Let's think about if we really feel like it or if it is the right moment; Maybe we just got over a breakup, or we are in a difficult emotional moment.Elena Requena: Sometimes we let ourselves be carried away by social mandates, inertia towards what should be, without doing a good exercise in self-reflection on what we really want. Perhaps at one point, we do not feel like having a partner but we force, and then most likely it will not work out.
Leticia Galeón: It is important to know when we are, if we are prepared, and if what we are going to offer is the best of us. For me, something key is that we find ourselves well, that we feel complete and complete. And if this is so, we have a much better chance that if we find a relationship, it will be much healthier.
2. Don't panic
Some are concerned at the prospect that it is more difficult to find love at 30 than at 20. Maybe we should ask ourselves that "to find you have to stop looking", or in other words, take it in a relaxed way. At 30 you have other experiences and learnings.Elena: There are no better ages than others to meet or start a relationship. More than stopping or not looking, if we are really open to finding a partner, what we can maintain is a positive and open attitude to whatever comes our way. Thinking of it as an after-school activity doesn't help.
Leticia: We have an advantage in something very important such as acceptance and experience. We know ourselves better, we accept ourselves more. We also know our strengths and our weaknesses, and the love experiences we have had helped us to know what we want and what we do not want. This can help us to stop the rush that can lead us to be conformists and to take the first opportunity that comes our way.
3. Get out of the comfort zone
At home, you will not find a partner. Go out with friends (this does not mean that you go to the disco every night), with co-workers, with family… Social gatherings or friends of friends are occasions to meet new people.Elena: We can include this as part of the previous point. That attitude of openness, of curiosity, if we want to call it expectation, can help us meet more people, and with it, perhaps, find that person that interests us and we want.
Leticia: This is essential. You have to do social activities and you have to socialize, and it is also a good time to learn to do things that interest us. Thus we are increasing the chances that, if we meet someone, we share a hobby, that this is also interesting for the couple.
4. Do activities with strangers
Some see it as something sad or crazy, but joining social activities with strangers can be a good idea: single trips, a photography course, yoga, or CrossFit classes ...Elena: It is something that continues to cost us in Spain and that is more common in other countries. In large part due to a deeply rooted feeling of shame, and that has to do with our culture when at a certain age we are not or are not in the place that traditions tell us we should be. It is very interesting and enriching both to do different activities and to meet new people with them. Sometimes hobbies that we would never think we could like, we can love. And the same thing happens to us with the people we can find there.
Leticia: Let us not be ourselves what we put the limitations on. This can be embarrassing, but you know that that emotion will last a few minutes and will go away when the activity starts and you see that nothing really happens. It can be a challenge to overcome ourselves and also to seek love.
5. Use dating platforms
Let's dismantle the idea that cuckold dating apps are not appropriate places to meet people. If we learn to use them well (and this is the most difficult), they can be very useful.Elena: We have to assume that the scenario has changed and that the communication codes have too. Now, we must build a comfortable and friendly way of using these platforms. Given the pace of life we lead, life in big cities or small towns, applications of this type can bring people together who could never meet otherwise.
Leticia: This goes 100% with the time we live in and is one more way to meet people who meet our filters, the things that are important to us. Also, there are different dating platforms, and I think we could study them and make a screen based on what we are thinking if it is something serious or less formal. A secret: generally, the people who pay the subscription to these apps are because they are looking for something more serious.
6. Question your ideals
Let's flee from romantic love and strict ideals of how our partner should be because we are characters with our virtues and our grays, not romantic comedy characters.Elena: It's good to review what we want and what love is for us. We have internalized a very rigid idea of how things should be and that is negative most of the time.
Leticia: If we are not perfect, why do we demand that the other be so? There are things that can be intolerable and you have to be alert, but for you, they are necessary and unavoidable: that he is affectionate, that he likes sports, that he wants to have children ... But the bar must be achievable. If not, the first piece of advice will have to be reconsidered. Do you really want to have a partner? You are ready?
7. Be patient
Both when dating and when we are already meeting someone. At 20, everything is usually very intense from the first moment, but now we look for other things and we are more demanding. If the first date doesn't go well, maybe the second does.Elena: Perhaps more than demanding we value or are more clear about what we want and what we don't want. That is good. Patience must be exercised, and the lack of it has to do with the society of immediacy in which we move. Let's think of this path as a process that will teach us a lot about the other, but also about ourselves.
Leticia: Just as on many occasions we have made a mistake with the first impression of a coworker or a new neighbor, the same thing can happen to us on the first date. It can be nerves, shame, or wanting to please those who can or can play a trick on them. First dates are not always good, and the same happens on other, more intimate planes. If we have not seen anything intolerable or alarming, and if we have seen something that we consider necessary, give it a second chance.
8. And dating, of course
Important: it is like not putting out resumes or not doing job interviews when you are looking for a job. You have to have dates, get out of your comfort zone, and meet as soon as possible (especially when you meet someone through apps or websites).Elena: Once again, be open to meeting other people, giving ourselves, and giving the opportunity to show ourselves and show ourselves to the other. Don't put expectations ahead and don't be afraid. The other is probably the same as us.
Leticia: Here we can mention the same thing again about shame. It will last only a few minutes until we start to interact. Regarding the dating apps, it's great to be able to write to us to find out more, but what in the end will let us know if there is chemistry or not is to meet in person. On a day-to-day basis, if you meet someone who catches your attention, you should jump in, try to meet him, for example in the gym or in dance classes. You have to try to start a conversation and see if things flow and can generate an appointment. You may also be interested in cuckold dating sites
9. Take care of expectations
Let's not raise the expectations of these encounters. The best disposition to have a date is to be natural and do something that we like a lot, to compensate for certain uncomfortable moments that may arise: a simple cane, a picnic in a park ...Elena: In these encounters, we usually find ourselves, on the one hand, insecure and, on the other hand, quite demanding. The latter is still a form of self-defense if we reflect a little. The higher the expectation or the demands, the more difficult it is for me to like someone and to hurt me. It does not mean that this always happens, but when we have had bad experiences in past relationships, it can happen.
Leticia: Expectations can lead to bad tricks if they are too high. Something that can help us is to do something normal, like have a coffee, a beer, and make it an intermediate hour, in case we are comfortable, that can be extended at lunch or dinner. Another tip: you have to go positive, willing to see what you like about the other person, wanting to have a good time.
10. Practice self-care
Looking for a partner can be frustrating, but we have to practice emotional intelligence. That date goes wrong or that someone drops a border on Tinder does not have to mean anything about us. Enrich your life beyond love.Elena: Be aware of the terrain or context in which we move, take care of ourselves, and love each other very much. Go little by little. Enjoy the process of meeting someone without rushing, see what we are feeling and be honest with ourselves and with the other person. The period of seduction or courtship (I know the term sounds like an old man), is a very beautiful path and can be very stimulating. This sometimes we forget and we start the house from the roof. Let's listen to what we want or want at all times.
Leticia: It is very important not to generalize. If a date does not work, it does not mean that no one else will do it or that we are not valid, or that no one will like us. Something that I consider essential is to love yourself because that way you will want in a healthier way. Sometimes we forget our role, of being the right person. Analyzing only if the other person is the ideal one can make us nonconformists, not very tolerant, and very demanding. If we find someone who fits us, but we leave much to be desired, what?
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